Mel has been past down the Colonel’s original recipe and is taking the reins as new spokesman for the world renowned KFC franchise. Jews around the globe will now be force to resort to Popeye’s on Christmas day to avoid the “Silent Night” 11 herbs and spices that Colonel Gibson plans to use as a one day a year promotion to convince families to have a traditional Christmas dinner with family as Christ intended.
tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR EARLIEST HUMAN MEMORY?
Vagina, of course.
Actually, getting bathed in my Grandparent’s kitchen sink.
To Don’t:
Win. This apparently leaves you without a job.
To Do:
Call your Dad. He was like, the president. And they always know what to do.
Change is at hand!
To Don’t:
Epic Win. This apparently leaves you without a job.
And no prospects for future work.
To Do:
Start a new thing with your brother. We haven’t seen him in like,
AGES.
To Don’t:
Rely on social media to reboot your career.
(Trust me)
To Do:
Demi Moore! No reason needed other than it needs to be
done by a man.
To Don’t:
Beat your bitches. It’s frowned on by society for reasons
you and I will never understand.
To Do:
Give me Denise’s number. I can totally handle them crazy b!tches.
To Don’t:
Stand-up
To Do:
Make me your protege. I’m like a sponge, sucking up knowledge on how to win.
Your loving twitter follower,
Mad-Matt
Charlie Sheen is to Two And A Half Men
As
Ashton Kutcher is to Two And A Half Brain Cells.
No offense Ashy
Joker.
Jack of all trades.
Like Queen, I'm
Guaranteed to Blow Your Mind!
... Anytime. _
Kostume Karaoke King.
Yep, I'd say I'm a full deck. Minus all the numbers. Who needs math, really?
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